Fifth Avenue
When I first came up with this design a few years ago, I was a Saks Fifth Avenue-aholic. I was going through an especially tough time in my marriage, and I filled my days…every day… with Retail Therapy. My BFF Arozo and I would get up, get our babies off to school, go get Starbucks (HAHAAA), then the gym, back home for showers and a Glam session, then off to SHOPPING and sushi at our favorite spot!
This was literally how I spent my weekdays…at least the few hours in between being a stay at home mom, and an entrepreneur. What I did not realize at the time was that my shopping and obsession with Louis Vuitton, Juicy Couture, and the newest Beverly Feldman and Jimmy Choo shoes was more than a love of fashion. I mean, let’s be clear. I LOVE my labels. But it really went so much deeper than that. I was using these material things to hide the fact that I was miserable. And having the latest LV or whatever, was a filler for the emptiness within me. I was sad, depressed, and literally headed for divorce. It’s amazing to me, that so many of the best moments and creations of my career, have both positive and negative attachments. While in the prime of my late 20’s, business thriving and money flowing…my marriage was falling apart. When I looked back at the shades of this design, it actually describes my day to day experience back then. I would start the day off bright and cheery, by midday I was grey…because it was not only running a thriving business, but the boys were home, and I would be in the midst of chores and running around after two little people ,all while answering emails, taking calls, making the designs, keeping up with my designers, stressing over deliveries, working on website technical difficulties, posting to social media, dealing with vendors, customer relations, and the fact that through all of that…my husband was most likely on some trip with his frat brothers, trying to impress some other woman…while he had a Superwoman at home! I had no family nearby, so it was all left on my shoulders…The black represented my mood by the end of each day…
It is only now, years later, that I can look back on that time with gratitude. Because in the midst of the dark times I experienced, I have always been able to find my voice. I no longer live in fear; of rejection, disapproval, or heartache. I embrace my life, the challenges, the struggles, pain, joy, happiness, triumph…I embrace it all. Every single moment and hardship brought me to the woman I am today. Not a survivor, but a conqueror. I am not broken or bitter, I still have my JOY! A woman who found the inner strength to fight, when all I wanted to do, through many days of my best accomplishments…was roll myself into a ball and cry. It’s only recently that I’ve been able to share these experiences…I was ashamed of all the pain and hardships I endured throughout my life with him. My clients, many of them have been like family to me over the years. We have forged bonds that were so unlikely, that it really isn’t just my story anymore. It’s the story of so many women…women who were forged by the fire. Not destroyed by it.
XOXO~PoshTori
